The Disguised Turkey, and the Tough Duck

Or: Jack Benny – Duck Hunting. 391126

Download and listen now.

Digging into our Retro Radio vault, We share this episode from the old fashioned Retrobots, to the new Retrobots, to you.

That man, who spared no expense in his Thanksgiving dinner, is introduced, but Mary teases Jack over his stingy holiday celebrations. Continued criticizing by Don and Phil darkens Jack’s mood. Despite complaints of the tough bird, reading his review from the social register, Jack declares, “A good time was had by all.” Glimpsing at party details, revelations expose phil’s dancing partner. Carmichael the polar bear

Even without his mother, Dennis Day chews on the topic of the tough turkey, then he sings, Faithful Forever.

Fed up with abuse from the cast, Jack’s temper flares as he gives orders, though he makes Mary laugh. Phil Harris plays, South of the Border.

Jack’s Temper is soothed when the cast admit to teasing, and praise the party instead. How did Jack prepare such delicious turkey?

The cast explain they’ve been joking the whole time, which calms Jack’s temper by saying they enjoyed his party. He admits the turkey was really duck. A revealed secret leads to a flashback, and a duck hunting adventure. Jack and Mary team up with Rochester and Andy Divine for early morning showing off.

Those poor little blue eyed duckies don’t stand a chance with Jack the mighty hunter… ordo they?

Bonus Tracks:

  • Keith talks briefly about the old contact information that the old Retrobots share. Also a word about Thanksgiving confusion in 1939.
  • Abbot and Costello. A Short moment as they Gett Ready For Frank Sinatra ()1945).
  • Artie Shaw 1939 Thanks For Everything – (Helen Forrest, vocal).mp3

Don’t forget. If you like what you read or hear, either on the blog or podcast, use the links and buttons to Like, Share, or Comment. It’s free, so click often. You’ll be telling your friends, and telling us what you like.

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Behind the Scenes: A slice of life.

Time for more behind the scenes life in podcasting. Why not start at the beginning of a typical day for me? I wake from sleep before the alarm on my IPhone goes off. I have a regular alarm clock, but I don’t usually set it for anything. It just sits on my end table, so I can check the time during the day.

I debate getting up yet. My eyes itch and burn with left over sleeping;, but is it getting light outside? I can’t tell, all I know is that my bladder alarm is beginning to scream at me. As I get the stiffness out of the knees, and grab my phone, I start the journey to the bathroom. We mostly live in the basement, but the bathroom is at the other end of the house, and up a flight of stairs.

Along the way I slip in an earbud, and touch the top of the screen. “Network connection in progress,” it tells me. Nope, that’s not it. Swipe right. “5:58AM.” The voice in the phone says. I wonder if I ought to hop in the shower and shave while I’m here. Yeah, might as well. I’ll be done before the alarm goes off at 6:30, and I’ll have some time to do some early morning checks on notifications and emails once I’m done. Before getting ready for the shower, I sit on a chair we use for changing clothes, an find my podcast app.

Double tap the home button. “Podcasts.” The phone says when I check the app switcher. Good. I thought it should have been the last thing I used. Double tap to open it. Now, let’s swipe to the All Podcast playlist, and double tap. Skip to the first one and… hey, cool.. it’s the one I posted just a few hours ago while I was sleeping. Magic. Nothing like a little old time radio while in the shower. Let’s see what’s happening down in Pine Ridge.

Oh, I should explain the double tapping. I know that you, the average reader of this blog would just touch the button, and probably not mess with the swiping. And why did I need to plug in my earbud to hear my phone tell me the time? That’s how I use it. Touch the screen, and the voice in the phone says what it is that you touched. Simple. If you missed the item that was expected, but you know it’s close, swipe left or right, and the phone speaks what it is.

So, you may be asking. It’s just because its so early, and I don’t want to wake anybody by flashing a brightly lit screen… right? To which my response would be a melodramatic, “What? They put a light in these things?” Accompanied by a look of mock surprise.

I never look at my screen. Everything that gets done with it is by touching the screen, and listening to the voice that reports back. When I do a lot of typing, I use a bluetooth keyboard. Again, I type, the phone talks, and I can get work done. I love my bluetooth keyboard. It makes my phone act like a little, pocket sized laptop.

Isn’t that a little difficult? All this touching and listening? What’s going on here?” You’re probably asking. Here’s the answer. I’m blind.

When I say I’m blind, I don’t mean it like, “I can’t see a thing without my glasses.” Or, “Ouch, my shin, I must be blind to have walked into the edge of the table.” When I say blind, I mean that both eyes do not work. Nothing. Constant dark. No lights, other than weird flashes from retinas that vibrate in loud noises, and put on an interesting light show. But, no usable light from the other side of the lens.

Hey, if you don’t mind. Let me do the shower thing and I’ll be right back to tell you more. Look the other way please… put down your phone, tablet, or laptop, no peeking…

Ah, refreshing. Where was I… What? In the shower? No, I mean before that, and why are you so curious about taking a shower without seeing the soap. It’s not rocket science. Figure it out on your own.

Oh yeah, talking phones and computers. There’s a little bit of learning curve to start out. Being forced to listen to the computer, rather than seeing the screen all at once can sound daunting, but all you need to know is how to navigate the environment. Computers open a door to a whole new realm of hot keys, and deeper access to the system. The phone is really simple. Just touch, swipe, and double tap to open what you touched, and the only thing to stop you is an app that presents everything in graphics, or hides text behind a layer where the voice can’t get to it. Though there are times I do a lot of data entry right from my phone, I still use the laptop for major typing jobs, and I still keep a Windows laptop for audio editing. It’s so much more easy for me than the mighty world of Mac.

Hey, you know… I gotta do some daily writing stuff, so let’s do this together. I’m a long time Windows user, but for the last couple years, I’ve been exploring the world of Mac. Definitely a learning curve. Don’t do it unless your a crazed computer geek, who just likes to torture yourself learning new operating systems.

Let’s grab the lappy, hit power, wait for the bling. “Welcome to your MacBook Pro.” It says. Finder. The place where it all starts. Although that’s not where I need to start today.

I like to keep things simple. No fancy word processing. Just the text ma’am.

Command+space. “Spotlight.” Says the voice. Now I just start typing, “textedit” but before the third letter can be typed, it shows up. Enter, (or return, for all you die hard Mac-o-philes.)

Yea! Now what do I want to write about for the daily exercise? It says to write about a comparison and contrast. Holy cow, what in the world can I write? What do I do on a daily basis that people normally don’t do? Hmm… I do a podcast. Not everybody does that. I write stuff on the web, not everybody does that. I use computers to post junk, and people use computers to read it. Still, I just don’t know what’s so different, or interesting about me doing it than thousands, or even millions of other people out there. I just type letters, and the voice tells me what I’m misspelling. I hit space, and the voice reads the word I just typed. I never used to do it that way, but as my fingers get older, the less they like to hit the right keys. It just helps to have the voice repeat stuff to monitor how I’m doing.

Hold on. I need to proof read this. To make sure it comes out half way coherent, and the typos are fixed. Grammar? Heck with grammar, this is an internal dialog. A mind dump if you will. I don’t always talk in no good grammar no ways. Ha! Take that one grammar police.

Control+Option+a. That reads the document. Stop. That didn’t get too far, and I’m fixing a few wonky word uses, and half baked sentences. The voice really does help in proofreading. All you people out there, handicapped by two working eyeballs will just have to read your own copy out loud to catch the bad junk. Just arrowing down to spot check the rest.

Well the voice read it back, and it looks like I said about all that’s on my mind today. I just wish I could think up something to compare or contrast. Like pink fuzzy bunnies, to the pin pricks of a platoon of porcupines. But no, I’m coming up empty here.

[tags, writing, compare, contrast, blindness, computers, technology]

The Character of a Fraud

Or: Dragnet 501012 ep70, Big Quack.
Listen to it here.

Burglary detail. A man posing as a doctor is burglarizing homes. You have his description. Get him.

Working the day watch, Joe and Ben interview Miss Hutchins, and her maid, Betty. She had been treated for her headaches, and now a mink coat and jewelry are missing. Dr Schulte is suspected, and a list of missing articles is presented. The middle aged, dark complected man is stocky, with a goatee, and dressed in an average gray suit. No other visitors came or went, other than the trusted doctor. Miss Hutchins met the doctor at a small college he was running, but has now closed, her headaches were diagnosed as a state of mind that would only stay gone with continued treatment from the doctor. Treatments that turn out to be nothing more than sleeping pills.

Joe Friday tells in voiceover about the brief crime scene assessment, and the search for the defunct college. Neighboring business people confirm the shoestring operation of the tight mouthed, little man with the pointy beard. Finding a lead on a partner, a witness wonders over the names on the glass door.

Las Angeles College of Psycotheropeutics and Psychiatry
Dr Arthur Williams Schulte, DA, PHD, SCD
Dr Leo George Donaldson DV, PHD, SCD

What does it take to get a string of letters of doctorate credentials behind their names. A paint brush, and about ten minutes, is Joe’s response. In further voiceover, a review of agency reports confirms no such doctors are known, or registered.

The fake medical schools ran by Schulte were popular, since all it took for a
doctorate of various psychiatry related degrees could be had in 8 weeks, to any who had the money. Setting up a sting operation at the latest school that gets established, Joe sets out to take down the fraudulent doctors. The college requires no books, only a high school diploma to maintain academic standards of excellency. Joe’s urgency, and the scent of easy money is all it takes to end the operation, but he only has the associate, Donaldson. Where can Joe find Schulte?

A long rap sheet starting 16 years earlier, from back East, and in the area of pornographic pictures adds to Joe’s arsenal of evidence. Working under the fact that scam artists are known to fall back on old job skills when authorities get too close, Joe investigates local movie theaters. . The projectionists union confirms a new job placement for Schulte, and pursuing the clue, Joe finds an overworked theater manager. Entering the projectionist booth, the equally overworked operator refers to the man with fancy speech as doc, after knowing him for a day. The tight lipped Schulte clams up when questioning begins, but it’s all over when his hotel room is full of the stolen goods his victims have reported.

What does the fake doctor have to say in his defense? “They’re gifts, they’re sick, I’ve done them a lot of good. They know, they thank me this way. People I get these things from know I’ve done them a lot of good.”

Will the judicial system see it his way? It’s doubtful, but a twist ending means it may not matter.