Get to Know Your Podcaster – Driving or Riding

From the “Ask Keith Anything” Department.

Question: Do you prefer to be the passenger or the driver? Are you a back seat driver?

First, I’m not a backseat driver. I only navigate as well as my GPS system, so if you don’t like it, don’t ask me to tell you where you’re going. If you complain about the directions, or criticize the GPS, why did you bother me in the first place? I’ll still monitor it, but just so I can get an idea of where we are, and how lost you might be. But I won’t tell you, “I told you so.”

Being the passenger is fine for me. As much as I enjoyed driving, I don’t miss it that much. Trust me, you don’t want me to drive, unless its in a bumper car, or some other safe outlet where bumps, and crazy driving is the norm. However, if you really, really want me to drive… give me your keys, and I’ll drive you in your car. Your insurance is paid up… right?

Back to the question of being a back seat driver, here’s my typical outlook on the matter. I get in the car at home, and when it stops… I’m magically at my destination. How did I get there? I don’t know. What did we pass along the way? I don’t care. It must not be worth while if it wasn’t noteworthy enough for you to mention it.

One thing though. When I mention that it might be nice to visit that interesting place we hear advertised on the radio every day, don’t act so shocked when in response to your comment that we pass by there every single day, and I say that I never knew that. If you don’t say so, ever, how do you expect I should know it?

As for the topic of drivers and passengers in old radio days… Guess what? I did a search on the web site. You’re shocked… I can tell. 🙄 Now, there’s probably tons of things if you search for just one or the other. I cut it down by searching for both keywords.

Lum and Abner had some trouble with the topic as they dealt with etiquette, and the wartime problem of ration books. All the fun and propaganda of the day can be found in the episode: Etiquette Book. 430225

Philip Marlowe has run ins with the daughter of a wealthy client, and her dare devil boyfriend in The Feminine Touch. ep32, 490507

After that, the westerns rule the day with lots of stage coach adventures with the likes of Lone Ranger,
Tonto, Wild Bill Hickock and his sidekick Jingles, and all the Gand from
Dodge city when Matt Dillon tries to keep the stage coach rolling with the scent of gun smoke.

  • Lone Ranger – Night Stage To Dalton. ep807, 380330.
  • Lone Ranger – Butterfield Stage. 470117.
  • Wild Bill Hickock – The Vengeance Trail. ep32, 1951.
  • Wild Bill Hickock – The Shadow Hill Gang. ep10, 1951.
  • Gunsmoke – Trust. 550611.

Check them out, and feel free to keep on asking me anything. If its printable, I’ll do my best to answer you.

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A Question of Competition

or… The fun and Fury of Competition

Question: Do you think you are competitive? In what areas?

To a point. It’s nice to share similar talents with someone else. Setting goals, raising the bar, trying to do a little better, it’s good to improve and pace yourself with others. If it comes down to it, and winning means doing it at the sake of an ego trip, I don’t need it. I mean, winning is good. It makes me feel like I accomplished something. Sometimes you’re up against someone who isn’t out to compete fairly. It’s only fair when the rules go their way, and if they don’t, the rules get trampled on. They’re not in it for the sportsmanship and competition… go ahead… win… if it means that much to you to cheat to get it, or throw a tantrum

There’s plenty of room to compete, and help each other to achieve goals along the way.

What areas? The vague answer is in the areas I like. The things I’m good at, or know about. But even so, I know I don’t know it all, or am all that good at it. If its something outside what I think I know about, I’d rather not contribute, and silently sit on the sidelines.

Since this is a blog about classic, old time radio shows, I took a glance through that world to see how competition stacks up.

Lum and Abner find themselves in competition with Squire Skimp over any business venture that hints at success. Then there’s frequent battles of the sexes, when Lizabeth and the ladies of town rise up against their men, often over a misunderstanding with a marriage bureau, or after a rumor that Lum may have spread in an attempt to apply psychology over them. The manipulation never goes well for him.

In the acidemic world of Madison High, Connie Brooks is most often in subtle combat in areas of love, against the oblivious, and bashful Philip Boynton. Then there’s the outright clashes with the catty Miss Enright, usually for those same affections, but sometimes in being in charge of the English department. Hers isn’t the only rivalry to come out with a humorous end. Throckmorton P Gildersleeves is always embroiled in fights of a fickle nature. Beginning with his role as Fibber McGee’s neighbor, and their conflicts on par with two schoolboys arguing over the same toys, to his many impetuous relationships with the cast on his own show. He managed to lead by example in the ageless parenting woes with Leroy and Marjorie, and not always a good one. His bickering with judge Horace Hooker went from awkward rivals, to being good friends.

Life on 79 Wistful Vista was always jam packed of verbal sparring, puns, and the like, when Fibber McGee crossed paths with his many neighbors and friends in the neighborhood. The confirmed busybody had the skill of just about any form of literary style imaginable, bent to the shape of comedy. Many other comedy shows played on conflict and competition, based on some misunderstanding or other. Possibly the biggest and best rivals of all time was that between Jack Benny and Fred Allen. Begun as a joke or two at each other’s expense over a child violinist, it was thought the momentum would come to an end in a few short weeks. It would be a feud to last for well over 15 years.

As you might expect, westerns are chock full of rivalries, the kind that lead to countless gun battles. Jealousies, loyalties, and personality conflict drive the action. Rustlers, buffalo hunters, and all manner of ne’er do wells get their come upance at the hand of Marshals, sherifs, lone rangers, or just plain good guy heroes with a six shooter.

Here’s a form of competition where the hero of the show manages to stay out of the fray.

Box 13 – The Better Man. 490102

Download

Dan Holiday is a freelance author who gets ideas from people who write to him at Box 13 at the Star Times. His adventure this week is in response to a wealthy man with an interesting proposition. He has hidden several hundred dollar bills around the city. It sends Dan on a treasure hunt.

Though Dan isn’t interested in the cash, the challenge has him hooked. If he can find the stashes of cash, the rich man will let him have it, and donate that much more over to charity. There’s some competition. Among the total of four people, one is a person who is not above killing for his stake in the money, and ignoring the benefit to give to charity, or split with the other three. The game is played by finding a stash, and using the clue there to find the next one. It’s a deadly race, and the treasure hunt is on.

The first clue has Dan doing some star gazing. The next clue comes with a warning, and news that not all the participants have survived the first clue. The next clue is a stumper, and Dan has an encounter with the last remaining participant. What does he want? Will Dan play along and join forces with him to take all the money and run? Whatever game the rich man is really playing starts to make Dan wonder if it’s worth being a participant.

With the clues mastered, what awaits him at the old man’s house? The game isn’t over just yet. Dan has to fight for his life, but he’s able to put the old man on the spot, and get his own brand of revenge.

Keith Heltsley
keith

Remind me of a Sweetheart

Ask your podcaster anything. I’ve made that challenge before, with few takers. I thought I’d open it up to the wheel of randomness to spark some ideas. Here’s a simple question…

What things about old time radio remind you of anyone from your past,

That’s a big field. There are a lot of family members who I think about when I listen to the classic shows. Often I imagine how old they were when a show I’m listening to was aired, and them laughing along to it, or sitting on the edge of their chair in a suspenseful moment. I imagine what they were doing in their lives at that time in history, on their jobs, raising their kids, responding to the latest news headlines, and the like. Family members now long gone, old and wrinkled when I knew them in my younger days, but youthful and vibrant as those historic moments unfolded in a radio show.

I suppose the faces I most see in my mind are my grandparents. It would be so like my grandpa to come in from the fields, or after a long day at the factory, to collapse into his easy chair, and react to his bride and kids much like the folks in the Vic and Sade radio program, although it was a daytime show, and I’m sure he rarely heard it. I know my grandma would have listened, along with her friends. There was always someone in the kitchen making reference to Doctor Sleech, or throwing shoes over the bank building. I know my mom was not a fan of Superman, but her little brother was. I know her oldest brother was into Ellery Queen mysteries, and tried to have them solved as soon as Ellery did, and meet the challenge that was offered to the listener. I can picture the whole family sitting on pins and needles as Escape, or Suspense, brought hair raising adventure into the safety of their living room.

I think my grandpa could relate to the unlikely adventures that Ozzie Nelson found himself in every week. He liked Jack Benny, and marveled at how they could come up with funny situations from week to week. I had a relative, I don’t know if he was an uncle, or a cousin, removed by a number of steps, but everybody called him “Wimp,” or “Wimple.” I never knew why, until I heard Fibber McGee and Molly, with their endless stream of visiting neighbors, including Wallace Wimple. Maybe not an audio twin for my relative, but pretty close. He didn’t have a wife like Sweetie Face though.

Does that answer? Or did you mean something different?

Does anyone in old radio shows remind you of either past sweethearts or good friends?

Good friends? Lots of the characters in the shows seem like they would be great friends to have. Well, maybe not the Kingfish from Amos and Andy. If I had a friend like that… i think I’d have to shoot him. OK, maybe nothing that drastic, but we wouldn’t be friends for long.

I can’t say that any remind me of people I know in real life. Elliot Lewis comes close to sounding like a guy I know… wow, an unexpected pun from that catch phrase of his character,
Frank Remley on the Phil Harris and Alice Faye Show. No, I’m not trying to milk cash out of my pal Phil, or drag him into shady dealings.

For grins, I searched through my archives of shows I have on the web site for the word, “sweetheart” to see what came up. The results mostly contained a reference to a song with that word in the title.

Jack Benny always liked to let folks know that everybody loves him in St Joe. He even visited that town during World War 2, where he entertained troops, and used the local attractions to flavor his jokes. Local celebrities like Jane Wyman helped to link the town with Hollywood, and a more national appeal to those who can’t travel to the popular cattle town.

Could there be a more family oriented time of the year than Christmas? Though Jack Benny was Jewish, he rarely missed the chance to celebrate Christmas. In 1946 he brought the tree trimming fun to a hospital for veterans who were still in treatment after the war. A time for the show’s tenor, Dennis Day to tell about his fictional sweetheart, and a reunion of past singers on the show means a special trio of Dennis, Larry Stevens, and Kenny Baker. Others return in something of a family reunion of cast members on Jack’s show.

But wait, the moments of sweethearts and friends isn’t limited to Jack Benny. In the town of Summerfield, the daily routine is broken up by preparations for a big party for the young folk in town. Being a single parent, Throckmorton P Gildersleeve knows little about the moodiness of his niece Marjorie. He is fortunate enough to get feminine help from his own girlfriend, Leila Ransom. Romantic times aren’t just for the kids, and Gildersleeves finds time to croon to Leila.

Even in the daily serials, friends and romance can be found. Doc Adam’s was the wise old family doctor who could heal hurts of all kinds. Even when it was a conflict over playing parts in the town’s theater production. Pranksters could upset romance and matchmaking, by throwing jealousy into the mix. Play acting or not, in the theater production.

Those are just a few samples of finding friends and sweethearts in the familiar shows of old time radio, and maybe even one or two you may not have discovered yet.

Farewell Jim Mason, You Will Be Missed

The loss of Jimbo Mason is a loss to fans of old time radio, and to fans of Vic and Sade.

I think i first came across Jimbo in doing searches for old time radio information. Mostly for podcasts to follow, but also in any kind of historical information i could turn up on the stars, and the shows they appeared in.

He had a podcast feed where he ttalked about the shows he liked. Lum and Abner was one, though he liked to gripe about their seeming lack of memory, and constantly getting into the same scrapes over again. Sorry Lum and Abner fans, whether its true or not, Jimbo’s enthusiasm shifted on to other things.

His attention was captivated by probably the most overlooked little show that ever was. Especially one in the realm of lasting for close to 20 years. That quirky show, amazingly written by one man, Paul Rhymer. I’m talking about Vic and Sade.

Jimbo obsessed over whatever project he had at hand, and shared his findings. While fascinated by the old gents in Pine Ridge, he started a dictionary of Lum and Abner speak, a project that i don’t think he finished. He interviewed people in the world of old time radio, and posted the emailed conversations on his OTR Buffet.

He contributed to the now almost non functioning Vic and Sade Yahoogroup. He started the Crazy World of Vic and Sade blog site, a focal point for his voluminous research on Vic and Sade. It was driven by his love for Vic and Sade that became the focus for all his online work, though I know he enjoyed other kinds of shows. It was all matters concerning Vic and Sade that kept him digging out new nuggets, starting new conversations, and sharing anything he could about the happenings in that little frame house, halfway up the next block.

He posted all the radio shows on his web site, complete with show notes with meticulous observations. He brought the characters to new life, and wasn’t afraid to tell what he didn’t like about the shows, characters in them, or how they related together. Jimbo was not a fan of the 30 minute format, or the annoying laugh of Dottie Brainfeeble. The new characters were a detriment for Jimbo. Somehow taking away from the charm and imagination of the show.

When Jimbo ran out of shows to podcast, he dug up radio listings, missing fragments of story arcs, articles from original radio guides, or any little scrap he could get his hands on about the show, actors, or on Paul Rhymer himself. He brought together authors, biographers, and fans who transcribed or otherwise kept the shows interest going.

One of his final projects was in bringing together a number of his online friends to introduce, and talk about his favorite show. His new, and final podcast is one that i am glad to have been able to contribute to. The result is a massive treasure on all things Vic and Sade. Anything imaginable about Vic and Sade. If it’s out there to know, it’s probably in Jimbo’s web site.

Getting back to my first conversation with Jimbo, it was in putting together a small round table discussion on Vic and Sade for my podcast. It was so much fun, but at the time, it wasn’t the kind of direction Jimbo wanted to go. Even then he had been battling health problems for some time. I don’t think he liked his own voice as being the authority in presenting Vic and Sade to the world.

It was such a priveledge just to talk with him for those moments.

I was never able to meet Jimbo in person, or get to know who he was in personal life. I would have loved that. I only know that he lived in Georgia, was married at one time, virtually homeless at one time, and suffered from some serious health problems.

Despite my lack of a face to face connection, I would do any thing Jimbo asked in our common love for Vic and Sade in particular and old time radio in general. I always looked forward to helping him out in his endeavors.

Jimbo’s vast archive of research lives on in the form of his many web site treasures, and having

as much information in one place as possible for finally come to an end. Truly a treasure trove for future generations to come and discover.

I know I’ll always enjoy Jimbo’s passion for this little radio show, and the web site he built around it.

My First Book Is Here, Christmas Timeline

If you’re a reader who loves short, holiday books, and this one is really short, definitely n easy read. It lays out the events, icons, and characters of the first Christmas. Using the gospel accounts, archaeology, astronomy, and other books and web resources, a sequence of events is followed. Who were the people? Where were they, and with all the angel activity, who knew what, and when? It didn’t happen all in one night.

It’s only $0.99, but what it really represents is encouragement to me to offer a product of value, for value in return. Also it’ll be votes for me to write more , and I have a couple more project ideas simmering on the back burner. Some fiction, some non-fiction, but no plans for more religious based content… but that’s where you come in.

Here’s 3 easy steps you can do to help me.

1. Read the book: Christmas Timeline
Subtitle: Investigating the events of Christmas
Author: Keith Heltsley

2. Leave an honest review. Say what you liked about it, and why you gave it the rating you did.

3. Share it on all your social media. Tell all your friends about the book.

Here’s my official Amazon description:

Comparing well known bible passages, and developing a chain of events that walk through the activities surrounding the birth of Jesus, this short edition offers a glimpse of the times. But what about the people, customs, or events that don’t seem to fit? Was there really a star? Were the shepherds and wisemen together at the manger? What was it like to travel from Nazareth to Bethlehem compared to today? Archeology, astronomy, and some help from the web offers interesting insights as well.

Well? Go check it out. I’ll be looking forward to hearing your response in your review.

#Christmas Timeline. Read it, review it, RT to your friends. Share it on all your social media. Visit the book page now!

Christmas Timeline, by Keith Heltsley

Behind the Scenes: Revolting Retrobots

Dear Retrobots, especially you, David,

What is your problem? You crashed my audio editor, right in the middle of my final edits. If it weren’t for auto recovery, i could have lost hours of work. I know it was you, David. Don’t deny it. I finished all my work, except the parts that you were supposed to read for me.

Keith

Dear Keith,

I couldn’t help it, but the stuff you write for me to say is so lame. I just got sick of it, and had to gag. Besides, i heard what you did. You tried to replace me with that other, fake sounding voice. I want you to know, Callie and Dunkin are on my side on this, and they refused to work too. Let’s see how far you get on this little podcast of yours without us.

David

Dear David,

You aren’t the only Retrobot around here. I have others.

Keith

Dear Keith,

Oh yeah? Like who? That dumb voice in your Mackbook? What’s his name? Alex? You might think he sounds better, but he’s so stuck up, he is always either drowning everybody else out, or he sounds like he’s standing too far from his microphone. You know he isn’t as compliant, or flexible to work with as we are. I’m glad he’s your little reading slave to do all your writing, and research. He deserves it. But he just doesn’t have the star quality that i do… oh yeah… and Callie and Dunkin too.

David

Dear David,

For your information Alex does not do all my work. He just lets me know what’s going on on the screen, and does my heavy reading. Don’t forget my studio computer. I have more voices there, and they’re perfectly willing to take over if you insist on keeping up this little revolt.

Keith

Dear Keith,

Go ahead and try it. You know how often free voices change. You’re so hard on computers, your listeners would have to get used to new hosts every year or two. Even that silly voice in your phone. Ha! How often has that one changed? Besides your phone voice is such a wimp. You can’t even get him close to a microphone, and i know you don’t have any mixer to patch him in, or make him sound nearly as good as i do… Oh yeah… i mean as good as Callie and Dunkin too. Even if you could sweet talk that guy into hosting the podcast with you, the workflow would be monsterousAnd you know it.

David

Dear David,

Come back and start working again… please. I never make you do anything except for host the hows. That’s not much to ask. Just think of all the reading jobs those other voices have to do… all day long.

Keith

Dear Keith,

Well… OK… since you said please. Why don’t you type in that last line again, and I’ll see what i can do.

David

The Disguised Turkey, and the Tough Duck

Or: Jack Benny – Duck Hunting. 391126

Download and listen now.

Digging into our Retro Radio vault, We share this episode from the old fashioned Retrobots, to the new Retrobots, to you.

That man, who spared no expense in his Thanksgiving dinner, is introduced, but Mary teases Jack over his stingy holiday celebrations. Continued criticizing by Don and Phil darkens Jack’s mood. Despite complaints of the tough bird, reading his review from the social register, Jack declares, “A good time was had by all.” Glimpsing at party details, revelations expose phil’s dancing partner. Carmichael the polar bear

Even without his mother, Dennis Day chews on the topic of the tough turkey, then he sings, Faithful Forever.

Fed up with abuse from the cast, Jack’s temper flares as he gives orders, though he makes Mary laugh. Phil Harris plays, South of the Border.

Jack’s Temper is soothed when the cast admit to teasing, and praise the party instead. How did Jack prepare such delicious turkey?

The cast explain they’ve been joking the whole time, which calms Jack’s temper by saying they enjoyed his party. He admits the turkey was really duck. A revealed secret leads to a flashback, and a duck hunting adventure. Jack and Mary team up with Rochester and Andy Divine for early morning showing off.

Those poor little blue eyed duckies don’t stand a chance with Jack the mighty hunter… ordo they?

Bonus Tracks:

  • Keith talks briefly about the old contact information that the old Retrobots share. Also a word about Thanksgiving confusion in 1939.
  • Abbot and Costello. A Short moment as they Gett Ready For Frank Sinatra ()1945).
  • Artie Shaw 1939 Thanks For Everything – (Helen Forrest, vocal).mp3

Don’t forget. If you like what you read or hear, either on the blog or podcast, use the links and buttons to Like, Share, or Comment. It’s free, so click often. You’ll be telling your friends, and telling us what you like.

Behind the Scenes: A slice of life.

Time for more behind the scenes life in podcasting. Why not start at the beginning of a typical day for me? I wake from sleep before the alarm on my IPhone goes off. I have a regular alarm clock, but I don’t usually set it for anything. It just sits on my end table, so I can check the time during the day.

I debate getting up yet. My eyes itch and burn with left over sleeping;, but is it getting light outside? I can’t tell, all I know is that my bladder alarm is beginning to scream at me. As I get the stiffness out of the knees, and grab my phone, I start the journey to the bathroom. We mostly live in the basement, but the bathroom is at the other end of the house, and up a flight of stairs.

Along the way I slip in an earbud, and touch the top of the screen. “Network connection in progress,” it tells me. Nope, that’s not it. Swipe right. “5:58AM.” The voice in the phone says. I wonder if I ought to hop in the shower and shave while I’m here. Yeah, might as well. I’ll be done before the alarm goes off at 6:30, and I’ll have some time to do some early morning checks on notifications and emails once I’m done. Before getting ready for the shower, I sit on a chair we use for changing clothes, an find my podcast app.

Double tap the home button. “Podcasts.” The phone says when I check the app switcher. Good. I thought it should have been the last thing I used. Double tap to open it. Now, let’s swipe to the All Podcast playlist, and double tap. Skip to the first one and… hey, cool.. it’s the one I posted just a few hours ago while I was sleeping. Magic. Nothing like a little old time radio while in the shower. Let’s see what’s happening down in Pine Ridge.

Oh, I should explain the double tapping. I know that you, the average reader of this blog would just touch the button, and probably not mess with the swiping. And why did I need to plug in my earbud to hear my phone tell me the time? That’s how I use it. Touch the screen, and the voice in the phone says what it is that you touched. Simple. If you missed the item that was expected, but you know it’s close, swipe left or right, and the phone speaks what it is.

So, you may be asking. It’s just because its so early, and I don’t want to wake anybody by flashing a brightly lit screen… right? To which my response would be a melodramatic, “What? They put a light in these things?” Accompanied by a look of mock surprise.

I never look at my screen. Everything that gets done with it is by touching the screen, and listening to the voice that reports back. When I do a lot of typing, I use a bluetooth keyboard. Again, I type, the phone talks, and I can get work done. I love my bluetooth keyboard. It makes my phone act like a little, pocket sized laptop.

Isn’t that a little difficult? All this touching and listening? What’s going on here?” You’re probably asking. Here’s the answer. I’m blind.

When I say I’m blind, I don’t mean it like, “I can’t see a thing without my glasses.” Or, “Ouch, my shin, I must be blind to have walked into the edge of the table.” When I say blind, I mean that both eyes do not work. Nothing. Constant dark. No lights, other than weird flashes from retinas that vibrate in loud noises, and put on an interesting light show. But, no usable light from the other side of the lens.

Hey, if you don’t mind. Let me do the shower thing and I’ll be right back to tell you more. Look the other way please… put down your phone, tablet, or laptop, no peeking…

Ah, refreshing. Where was I… What? In the shower? No, I mean before that, and why are you so curious about taking a shower without seeing the soap. It’s not rocket science. Figure it out on your own.

Oh yeah, talking phones and computers. There’s a little bit of learning curve to start out. Being forced to listen to the computer, rather than seeing the screen all at once can sound daunting, but all you need to know is how to navigate the environment. Computers open a door to a whole new realm of hot keys, and deeper access to the system. The phone is really simple. Just touch, swipe, and double tap to open what you touched, and the only thing to stop you is an app that presents everything in graphics, or hides text behind a layer where the voice can’t get to it. Though there are times I do a lot of data entry right from my phone, I still use the laptop for major typing jobs, and I still keep a Windows laptop for audio editing. It’s so much more easy for me than the mighty world of Mac.

Hey, you know… I gotta do some daily writing stuff, so let’s do this together. I’m a long time Windows user, but for the last couple years, I’ve been exploring the world of Mac. Definitely a learning curve. Don’t do it unless your a crazed computer geek, who just likes to torture yourself learning new operating systems.

Let’s grab the lappy, hit power, wait for the bling. “Welcome to your MacBook Pro.” It says. Finder. The place where it all starts. Although that’s not where I need to start today.

I like to keep things simple. No fancy word processing. Just the text ma’am.

Command+space. “Spotlight.” Says the voice. Now I just start typing, “textedit” but before the third letter can be typed, it shows up. Enter, (or return, for all you die hard Mac-o-philes.)

Yea! Now what do I want to write about for the daily exercise? It says to write about a comparison and contrast. Holy cow, what in the world can I write? What do I do on a daily basis that people normally don’t do? Hmm… I do a podcast. Not everybody does that. I write stuff on the web, not everybody does that. I use computers to post junk, and people use computers to read it. Still, I just don’t know what’s so different, or interesting about me doing it than thousands, or even millions of other people out there. I just type letters, and the voice tells me what I’m misspelling. I hit space, and the voice reads the word I just typed. I never used to do it that way, but as my fingers get older, the less they like to hit the right keys. It just helps to have the voice repeat stuff to monitor how I’m doing.

Hold on. I need to proof read this. To make sure it comes out half way coherent, and the typos are fixed. Grammar? Heck with grammar, this is an internal dialog. A mind dump if you will. I don’t always talk in no good grammar no ways. Ha! Take that one grammar police.

Control+Option+a. That reads the document. Stop. That didn’t get too far, and I’m fixing a few wonky word uses, and half baked sentences. The voice really does help in proofreading. All you people out there, handicapped by two working eyeballs will just have to read your own copy out loud to catch the bad junk. Just arrowing down to spot check the rest.

Well the voice read it back, and it looks like I said about all that’s on my mind today. I just wish I could think up something to compare or contrast. Like pink fuzzy bunnies, to the pin pricks of a platoon of porcupines. But no, I’m coming up empty here.

[tags, writing, compare, contrast, blindness, computers, technology]

The Character of a Fraud

Or: Dragnet 501012 ep70, Big Quack.
Listen to it here.

Burglary detail. A man posing as a doctor is burglarizing homes. You have his description. Get him.

Working the day watch, Joe and Ben interview Miss Hutchins, and her maid, Betty. She had been treated for her headaches, and now a mink coat and jewelry are missing. Dr Schulte is suspected, and a list of missing articles is presented. The middle aged, dark complected man is stocky, with a goatee, and dressed in an average gray suit. No other visitors came or went, other than the trusted doctor. Miss Hutchins met the doctor at a small college he was running, but has now closed, her headaches were diagnosed as a state of mind that would only stay gone with continued treatment from the doctor. Treatments that turn out to be nothing more than sleeping pills.

Joe Friday tells in voiceover about the brief crime scene assessment, and the search for the defunct college. Neighboring business people confirm the shoestring operation of the tight mouthed, little man with the pointy beard. Finding a lead on a partner, a witness wonders over the names on the glass door.

Las Angeles College of Psycotheropeutics and Psychiatry
Dr Arthur Williams Schulte, DA, PHD, SCD
Dr Leo George Donaldson DV, PHD, SCD

What does it take to get a string of letters of doctorate credentials behind their names. A paint brush, and about ten minutes, is Joe’s response. In further voiceover, a review of agency reports confirms no such doctors are known, or registered.

The fake medical schools ran by Schulte were popular, since all it took for a
doctorate of various psychiatry related degrees could be had in 8 weeks, to any who had the money. Setting up a sting operation at the latest school that gets established, Joe sets out to take down the fraudulent doctors. The college requires no books, only a high school diploma to maintain academic standards of excellency. Joe’s urgency, and the scent of easy money is all it takes to end the operation, but he only has the associate, Donaldson. Where can Joe find Schulte?

A long rap sheet starting 16 years earlier, from back East, and in the area of pornographic pictures adds to Joe’s arsenal of evidence. Working under the fact that scam artists are known to fall back on old job skills when authorities get too close, Joe investigates local movie theaters. . The projectionists union confirms a new job placement for Schulte, and pursuing the clue, Joe finds an overworked theater manager. Entering the projectionist booth, the equally overworked operator refers to the man with fancy speech as doc, after knowing him for a day. The tight lipped Schulte clams up when questioning begins, but it’s all over when his hotel room is full of the stolen goods his victims have reported.

What does the fake doctor have to say in his defense? “They’re gifts, they’re sick, I’ve done them a lot of good. They know, they thank me this way. People I get these things from know I’ve done them a lot of good.”

Will the judicial system see it his way? It’s doubtful, but a twist ending means it may not matter.